"I'm not in love with Juke Box Jury. I'm not in love with 'Thank Your Lucky Stars." I'm not in love with T-T-T-Twiggy. Because I'm in love with Cathy McGowan."
Awesome Hall of Fame: Critical Mass
There seems to be a smear campaign going on in the media against critical mass. I've been reading about what a nuisance it is and what troublemakers the riders are; let me tell you something, I've been to a lot of these things; it's good clean family fun and the only people who get mad at being held up in traffic for an extra couple of minutes are the biggest dickheads you can imagine. 99.9% of drivers honk and wave. Don't believe the hype.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Fireworks
Fireworks on Halloween? Does this happen in any city other than Vancouver? What the fuck?
Thanks, fireworks vendors, for selling quarter sticks of dynamite to every asshole kid in my neighborhood, who'll then proceed to light them off in my back alley, for a month before and a month after Halloween.
You can stick one up your butt and light it, as far as I'm concerned. Someone throw a match into one of these stores and do the world a favor.
Awesome Hall of Fame: Brown Note
Does this actually exist? I hope so. Imagine a record that was so good, it actually made you take a crap in your pants! What an excellent sensory experience that would be.
Hall of Total Bullshit: War
It's like the songs says; Good God y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothin' Say it again.
Awesome Hall of Fame: Comb-over
I'm probably not too far away from one of these myself. Don't worry guys; no one will ever know...
Hall of Total Bullshit: Meter Maids
Not to be gender specific. "Meter-dude," doesn't have the same ring to it. Anyway, fuck these short-pants wearing, overzealous hall-monitor fucks in the fucking ear.
I'm not saying it's a good thing when someone intentionally runs over a parking pig, I'm just saying my tears dry fairly quickly.
Awesome Hall of Fame: Bubble Tea
Something about those weird chewy bits is habit forming.
If I ran the world, I'd just stick pearls in everything. Chew your coffee in the morning, what the hell?
Hall of Total Bullshit: Piss Shiver
Awesome Hall of Fame: The Way of the Samurai
I'm not a religious or even very spiritual person, but if I ever make it to the afterlife and get to check out what God looks like, I'll bet good money he's a dead ringer for Toshiro Mifune. Wrong guy to fuck with, totally.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Steel Drums
Apologies to any Caribbeans out there, but I've reached the conclusion that any song with steel drums in it officially sucks shit.
