April 29, 2010

Live Fast/Die Fast Comes Alive! "Black Sabbath Live, 1975, Asbury Park New Jersey"

"I put on my clothes that make me look tall.
I don’t think about it, I don’t think at all."
Is It Official? 
Nope
Is It Really Live? 
Yup
Where Was It Recorded? 
Convention Hall, Asbury Park New Jersey, August 5 1975
Although I could probably do a monthly feature just on Black Sabbath and Sabbath related live records, I'm only doing the double shot to highlight the differences I alluded to between this unofficial live recording and the "official,"unofficial release, "Live at Last."
The concert was recorded for "The King Biscuit Flower Hour," and not used, then widely bootlegged.
It's a longer album, that's for sure. It's from the, "Sabotage," tour, not the "Vol 4." which makes for some awesome set list inclusions.The sound is much better and so is the energy.
Ozzy is on fire;
"Are you high?!" he screams at the top of his lungs that roars back at him. "Are you high?!"
"Well so am I!" Amazing
"You may not know this next number it's from our new album, "Sabotage." It's a number entitled, "Hole In The Sky."
I nearly piss my pants with joy every time I hear that very dry intro and then the thunderous intro and not just the best Sabbath riff but probably the best riff in the world. Neck breaking awesomeness.
Ozzy keeps gushing "We love you!" at the crowd and you can feel that he means it and they love him back.
You can feel the energy building to a climax when Ozzy yells, "C'mon you motherfuckers!" an utterance that, today is used commonly but that in 1975 was shocking to hear on a record.
"Megalomania," is another rare "Sabotage," track and there's the obligatory solos for everybody. Ozzy still shouts himself hoarse but it's endearing instead of embarrasing. His unbridled enthusiasm made him one of the most charismatic frontmen ever. This recording proves it.

The Set:
Disc 1
1. Supertzar / Killing Yourself To Live
2. Hole In The Sky
3. Snowblind
4. Symptom Of The Universe
5. War Pigs
6. Tuning
7. Megalomania

Disc 2
1. Sabbra Cadabra / Drum solo
2. Supernaut
3. Iron Man
4. Jam / Guitar solo
5. Black Sabbath
6. Spiral Architect
7. Children Of The Grave
8. Paranoid

April 25, 2010

Live Fast/Die Fast Comes Alive!: "Black Sabbath - Live At Last"

"I pull my wire to the 20-Minute Workout. If only the guys in the band looked like that."
I'm gonna take a bit of a break from "Rock 'n' Roll Damnation," starting this month and debut a new feature called, "Live Fast/Die Fast Comes Alive!"
I love live albums. I realize not everyone shares the same appreciation, but for me it's the chance to experience the raw sound of a band in the live setting and the closest listening experience to being at a real concert. I also find the set lists endlessly interesting.
At their worst, live records can be fakes or cheap cash-grabs. I'll be reviewing at least one live album in depth, monthly, ranging from platinum major-label releases to bootlegs with photocopied covers from countries, whose names I can't pronounce.
Is it an official release?

Sort of. The band's manager okayed it for release only after they canned him.
Is it really live?
Yup.
Where was it recorded? 
 Manchester Free Trade Hall, March 11, 1973 and the Rainbow Theatre in London, March 16, 1973 although there is no corroborating "bootleg," evidence to say for sure.
 What are the details?
So Black Sabbath recorded some shows from the end of their 1972-73 "Vol. 4," tour with the intention of releasing a live album. They didn't like the final product and shelved it indefinitely. Then, in 1980 after Ozzy had left, the band's former manager decided to release the album without their permission, thus making it "official," but "not official."
I have a bootleg of Sabbath show from 1975 that is vastly superior to this in almost every way. First off, the sound here is muddy. Geezer's bass sounds especially like dog shit and Ozzy's voice is clearly blown out on some tracks. Now, I'm all in favor of hearing the band as they are, without overdubs but if you can't get a recording that sounds at least as good as a fair quality bootleg, why bother? I have never heard a singer's voice crack repeatedly, like Ozzy's does here, on an official live recording. That doesn't mean it never happened to any other singer, I've just never heard it an album because record companies generally realize that the point of any live record (or studio record for that matter) is to make the band sound good. If you're making a live record and the singer's voice goes wonked, you either overdub it, find a completely different performance of that song or you just edit it the fuck out. The cracks are all during stage banter too, not even during the song. Ozzy was plagued by voice problems as a result of constant touring and wasn't able to sing certain songs anymore. It was a sore spot between Ozzy and the band, hastening their break-up. 
Anyway, the point is, nobody likes a fake live album, but you tweak here or there when you have to.
There seems to have been almost no consideration given to the sound of the record, they just slapped a cheap looking cover on a shabby recording and released it. Voila. It actually lead to the new "Dio-Sabbath," recording their own live record, which lead to an Ozzy live record and the shit hitting the fan but that's a story for another time.
The Set:
1. Tomorrow's Dream
2. Sweet Leaf
3. Killing Yourself to Live
4. Cornucopia
5. Snowblind
6.Embryo/Children Of The Grave
7. War Pigs
8. Wicked World/Drum Solo/Guitar Solo
9. Paranoid

"Tomorrow's Dream," and "Cornucopia," are cool to hear live. "Sweet Leaf," is a bit sluggish here
"Killing Yourself To Live," was an early version with different lyrics.
"Wicked World" becomes a medley incorporating "Into The Void," "Supernaut," and Bill and Tony's drum and guitar solos, respectively. It would have been nice to hear the full versions of those two in the place of "War Pigs," and "Paranoid," but I realize, as a resident of the planet earth, that it's impossible go to a Black Sabbath show and not hear them play "War Pigs," and "Paranoid," even if those who have heard them a million times have to keep hearing them.















April 15, 2010

Hunt & Gather - 70's Rock Profile: Sir Lord Baltimore

"I wanna war between the rich and the poor. I wanna fight and know what I'm fighting for."
The Adventures of Robert Savage Vol. 1 (1971)
This album kicks off like a bomb. Guitar-heavy sideburn-rock featuring a female soul singer with a voice like a banshee absolutely peeling the paint from the walls on the unfortunately titled, "Beaver Baby." When she hits a certain pitch you can actually hear the mic starting to distort as the levels go into the red. I think a few of the dishes in my cupboard are broken after listening to this and I mean that in the best possible way.
I honestly thought I had discovered the 70's version of, "The Bell Rays." After that, it was more than a little disappointing to find out that the singer, whoever she is, does not appear anywhere else on the album. What's left is unspectacular, occasionally countrified 70's rock with bad "In-A-Gada-Da-Vida" vocals.
Who is this Robert Savage you may ask? Well the first story I heard is that he's the chairman of  American Express, who traded in his flairs and trimmed his mutton chops, after making this one vanity album in the 70's, to become a multimillionaire. That's a better story, but he's really a guy named Bobby Arlin who went on to play with the band, "The Leaves". Whatever.
His lead playing is decent, although with repeated listens it sounds like he is using the same licks over and over again. The drummer continually uses my least favorite drum fill of all-time, which is just basically alternating between the hi-hat and snare 3 times. It's hard to explain but it's the kind of thing you think sounds flashy when you suck. Total amateur hour.
The songwriting is pretty basic and/or juvenile, "Beaver Baby," "7 Days Drunk," "and "Road Apples," are certainly no more deep than their titles would suggest and, in some instances, even less. What I want to know is how you can make a song called, "Save Us From The Cyclops," that is not even slightly interesting. Elsewhere, we are treated to lines like, "It's a lonely world when you're all alone." You don't say.
If you run a cross this album buy it, I guarantee it's worth a few bucks to collectors of such things. Otherwise do whatever you can to download or otherwise acquire a version of "Beaver Baby," and if you get the liner notes, tell me the name of the woman who sings on it. Thanks a bunch.
Bedlam (1970)
This short-lived band is most notable for featuring drumming legend, Cozy Powell. Generally acknowledged as one of the greatest of all time, Cozy's resume boasted a huge number of bands and album appearances but he seemed to have never played with a top echelon band for very long. He played briefly with Jeff Beck, had  tenures with both "Rainbow," and "Whitesnake," and two separate stints in  Black Sabbath back when they absolutely sucked shit (1988-1991 and 1994-1995).
He strikes me as the Gene Hoglan of 70's and 80's, raved about by critics and peers but constantly circulating through bands and projects of inconsistent quality. I personally don't see the value in being a first rate drummer in a mediocre band. Not that "Death," is anything to sneeze at, in Gene's case, but even though he may have taught Dave Lombardo everything he knows - Dave was in Slayer. Game, set, match.
We can yak all day about who's really better but Dave Lombardo played on, "Reign In Blood," and Gene Hoglan did not. Who cares who can play the fastest bass drum triplets?
Back to the actual album, the opener, "Believe In You," really rocks it out with a riff at one point that actually sounds sounds like "Iron Maiden,"  (somewhere roughly between, parts of "Ancient Mariner," and "Where Eagles Dare.") It sounds like it may actually feature Cozy playing double-bass on it and the singer seems to be channeling Roger Daltry from his full-on shirtless, Ultimate Warrior, fringed jacket, Woodstock period. Wow! The second tune sounds a bit like the theme from "Shaft," to begin with, which is odd but also cool, and then settles in to a decent rock song. Unfortunately the quality it slides considerably from there, due to their penchant for drippy ballads and otherwise unremarkable material.
"Whiskey and Wine," is sub-par and cliche ridden. (Let's see, do you think whiskey and wine might make you ... "feel fine," possibly?) "Through These Eyes," is utter cheese.
You heard most of these lyrics, riffs and licks before. "Putting On The Flesh," is decent but Cozy's impressive pounding still doesn't make up for lyrics like, "Please surrender to my touch." It's a sad fact that, even though a good drummer is absolutely essential to a good band, (if you don't think so, check out a band with a bad one some time) they can only improve a mediocre band into a mediocre band with good drummer.

*
"Orange Glasses Pick":
Josefus - Dead Man (1970)
There's something about Southern bands that gives them the ability to sound intense and laid back at the same time. Maybe it's the heat and humidity that forces them to keep a groove even when they're raging. Guitar players take an extra second and milk a note while they push the sunglasses back up on their nose. This doesn't explain the number of death-metal bands from Florida playing blast beats, but that's not the real south anyway. Not if you live in Orlando or Miami, maybe if you live in the swamp. I digress. You can try to gallop along but the humidity sticks to you and forces the tempo down a few bpms.
Josefus are from the South; The People's Republic of Texas, to be exact. They enjoyed some success on at least a regional level but broke up due to internal conflict before making any sort of impact.
"Dead Man," in it's various pressings, is highly sought after by collectors of rare albums by forgotten bands. That gives Josefus the dubious distinction of being one of the most famous obscure bands in history.
Their notoriety has come mainly from playing in a heavy rock style that predated many of the more famous bands in the genre.
The bones on the cover are kind of fitting because listening to this record is kind of like going on an archeological dig and finding evidence that predates the earliest known fossils; interesting to consider in terms of the origins of the species but unspectacular compared to what would follow.
Their drawn-out, riffy jams are definitely primitive sounding and the lyrics to songs like "Crazy Man," and "I Need a Woman," may not be quite up to par with the best bands of the day. They do excel at locking down a groove and laying back into it, with Dave Mitchell's countrified guitar licks gliding lazily above, as if to say, "It's just too warm outside to bother trying to get anywhere fast. We're in Texas for Fuck's sake."
When they allude to their roots on,"Country Boy," it's not much of a surprise, due to reasons already stated above.
Elsewhere, the instrumental section on, "Proposition," is especially chilling and shows real promise, and "Situation," jams pretty hard.  Singer Pete Bailey can definitely wail, and also blows a mean harmonica but sometimes makes it a bit too obvious when he's straining his voice just out of his range.
In retrospect the cover of The Stones' "Gimme Shelter," is a bit unnecessary and, "Dead Man," the album-closing title track, which clocks in at just over seventeen minutes, serves as a reminder that a song is only considered epic if it is exceptionally good, otherwise it's just long. Josefus is the type of band that showed tremendous promise but, due to circumstance, were never able to live up to their potential and appeared only as a blip on the cultural radar.
Their surviving work is less a document of the musical legacy they leave behind than it is a testament to how good they could have eventually become.
Jerusalem 1972
This band is notable mostly for being produced by Deep Purple's Ian Gillan. It limps out of the gate a bit with the by-the-numbers "Frustrated," which sounds essentially like your average garage band. They regain their footing a bit with the cool, "Hooded Eagle," but lose it again with the boring, "I See The Light," ("I Turn Out The Light And Go To Sleep," more like it. )
As a side note, how weird must this dude have felt tracking his vocals with the human air-raid siren Gillan behind the board?
I can just imagine him saying something like, "Sorry dude, I don't know what a G over high C even is."
Richie Blackmore isn't exactly on guitar here either. Boring, sort of half-speed licks at times remind me of the manner in which old people fuck; slow and sloppy. It sounds like the dude's amp needs more gain or his guitar has shitty pick-ups or something.
"Murderer's Lament," is goofy and overly melodramatic and it's first person lyrics about breaking a woman's neck could probably be misinterpreted badly. I'm guessing it would have been a bad choice as their first single.
"Midnight Steamer," is apparently about getting up to use the can in the middle of the night (?) It ends up being the bestest rockingest track here. "Primitive Man," is another good one, almost doomy with enough changes to keep it interesting, "Beyond The Grave," and "She Came Like a Bat From Hell," close the album(these guys get full marks for song titles) are two looser jams that seem to suit their style more. I think this is a case of a band that sounds better when they can experiment a bit more, which unfortunately doesn't happen til somewhere near side 2. The vocals are more hoarse and shouted and actually sound better and the playing sounds less forced. In the end, Jerusalem's only album has, at best, a couple of good songs. I hereby pronounce them to be, "pretty good."
Human Instinct - Stoned Guitar (1970)
One of the things I like about, "Hunt and Gather," is the chance to listen to an album with no information besides the record cover and song titles and then figure out any information about the band afterward. This band was from New Zealand, featuring a guy called Billy TK; "The Maori Jimi Hendrix." The album is full of very loose, "Band of Gypsies," style jam outs. There are some vocals but they're low in the mix and really secondary to the acid drenched orgy of leads. Stoned guitar indeed. For a contemporary reference I think these guys can be best compared to, "Earthless". The songs are really just starting off points for TK's extended guitar freak-outs. Your enjoyment of this album will be directly proportionate to how much you like long psychedelic guitar solos. Oh and just so you know the shortest tune on the album (4:23) with no guitar solos (or electric guitar at all) sucks, so even if you were getting annoyed with all the wanking, when it disappears, you start getting bored and wondering when the guitar solos are going to kick in again. Recommended in small doses. Like the brown acid. Groovy, man.
Iron Claw - Dismorphophobia (1970-1974)
This Scottish band's "album,"(I'll explain the quotes in a minute) starts out sounding like the bridge between blues-influenced hippie rock and heavy 70's sludge. Then they shift gears and sound like the Yardbirds for a bit. When it picks up again, he guitarist goes nuts, soloing over everything, then the very next song isn't heavy at all. It's kind of weird when strings creep in for about 2 songs and then disappear. "Take Me Back," starts out with aforementioned strings, (still a crappy recording, mind you) morphs into a blues standard and then just drops out, out of nowhere. 
"Real Mean Rocker," is a by-the-numbers rockabilly number that anyone could write in 5 seconds. 
They jump from style to style more than any band who's record sounds this bad would possibly do over the course of one record. This aroused my suspicions enough to double check if the entire album was recorded by the same musicians during the same sessions.
The reason I hesitated to call it an album earlier is because it is actually a compilation cobbled together from different studio sessions between 1970 and 1974. The demo-like quality of the recording, and the dramatic shift in styles could easily give the impression that this is a comp. of different bands.
The heavy material has gotten a lot of attention and, in the band's bio, there's story about how Black Sabbath had threatened to sue them for stealing their sound. I'm not gonna say they're full of shit, so I won't; they just are. Aside from distortion that sounds like a cross between Blue Cheer and a fart in a bathtub and a few tracks completely overshadowed by a guitarist who should look up the word "restraint," in the dictionary, anyone expecting to discover the forgotten forefathers of metal should set their expectations a bit lower.
There are a few good tunes here, but 14 songs is a big stretch considering there's maybe enough good material here for an EP.
What we have here is a mixed bag of cheapo basement recordings by a band never able to really nail down a style that really worked for them. Anyone making Budgie comparisons is either drunk or seriously over-medicated. Unfortunately, when the album is finally over, I'm still not able to answer the question, "What do Iron Claw sounds like?"
(L to R: Dambra, Justin, Garner)
(Louis Dambra)
(John Garner live @ Carnegie Hall)
The band Sir Lord Baltimore has no real connection to the city of Baltimore. The band is named after the same guy that the city is named after, if that makes sense, and actually come from Brooklyn. They are notable for being one of the few bands with a lead singer who is also a drummer and also for, legend has it, being the first band ever referred to as, "heavy metal." (I've heard the same said about "Humble Pie.") The story goes that music critic and future "Angry Samoans," singer, Mike Saunders, (forever after to be called "Metal Mike,") wrote a review of Sir Lord Baltimore's debut LP, "Kingdom Come," for Creem magazine using a term he may have borrowed from the line "heavy metal thunder," in the Steppenwolf song "Born To Be Wild." As time went on, sadly, Mike gained more notoriety for coining the expression than Sir Lord Baltimore did for inspiring it.
The trio formed in 1968 and consisted of John Garner - drums/vocals, Louis Dambra - guitar and Gary Justin - bass.
"Kingdom Come," was released by Mercury Records in 1970, and while it is now regarded as a classic, the album sold poorly.
The follow-up "Sir Lord Baltimore," was released the next year and featured Louis' brother Joey on second guitar. The album fared even worse and the band was soon dropped by the label. Unspecified drug issues were cited by the band as another contributing factor in their break-up. "Sir Lord Baltimore III," was in the works at the time but not completed. The band is now generally recognized as being light-years ahead of their time, cited as a major influence of many heavy doom or, "stoner rock," bands.
Both albums have readily since become cult classics and re-issued on one CD.

Kindome Come (1970)
I can only imagine how Sir Lord Baltimore sounded  to people in the late sixties and early seventies because they sound absolutely insane now. They had a way of sounding like they're going to fall apart at any minute but never actually do. John Garner's wide, dramatic, vibrato vocal style ranges from rumbling, almost baritone to howls, screams shrieks and wails. Louis Dambra's guitar playing pushes bad-assed blues to the limit, crossing the boundary into what would later be called heavy metal. By the time "Lake Isle of Innersfree," pops up and brings the tempo down, you're finally able to catch your breath for a minute.
The full-on intensity they generate from beginning to end is so over-the-top the top can't even be seen from where they end up. After the record is over you find yourself sitting there, stunned thinking, "What the hell just happened?" This album is heavy rock pushed to the absolute limit and completely deserving as the first record referred to as "heavy metal."
Sir Lord Baltimore (1971)
The second Sir Lord Baltimore lacks some of the intensity of "Kingdom Come," but, honestly, that could be said about every other album on the planet. Louis Dambra's brother adds a second guitar which is a nice touch. Louis does as good a job as I've heard channeling Tony Iommi on the album opener "Chicago Lives," but that wasn't as great a complement in 1971, since Tony was the competition and someone Dambra would share the stage with on more than one occasion.
 John Garner's distinctive howl is still front and centre and there is some cool riffing on, "Woman Tamer." "Man From Manhattan," has a bit of a tedious build-up into a cool middle instrumental section. There are only six tunes here with "Manhattan," taking up more than it's fair share of space and the live track, "Where Are We Going," is interesting mainly because it's the only live track of theirs ever released. (It was actually recorded live on a soundstage. Oh well.)
It feels like they had to stretch for an album's worth of material, perhaps not as ready as they could have been to enter the studio. The sparse amount of music is good though and sees them branching out without messing with the formula too much. 
Is this as good an album as "Kingdom Come?" No. Does that mean it is anything less than essential listening? Absolutely not. It's disappointing that this had to be their swan song but  for no reason pertaining to the quality of the record, just because we were denied the possibility of so many more great records.

It should be noted that on the original album release, sides one and two were reversed, starting the album with just "Man From Manhattan," and the live "Where Are We Going," on side 1. This would play 100 times worse than the way it was presented on the eventual re-issue.
It's also worthy of mention that SLB have re-formed without Gary Justin years later and released "Sir Lord Baltimore III: Raw." I usually try to avoid such, "reunion albums. The fact that no label was willing to release it, necessitating a self-release and also that, lyrical themes are said to reflect John Garner's born-again Christianity made the decision to stay away much easier for me.



April 12, 2010

Things I've Learned From Pro-Wrestling

"Take out your fuckin' retainer, put it in your purse."

George The Animal Steele: "Mentally Disabled People
Mentally disabled people or "retards," as they are commonly known, are well-meaning and usually harmless, but can become extremely dangerous when they become angry or sexually aroused.
Under these circumstances, they have been known to exhibit a phenomenon known as "retard strength." When this occurs, they should be avoided at all cost, until they can distracted by a shiny object long enough to be subdued.
George was once so overcome by his urges that he tried to steal Miss Elizabeth from the Macho Man and climb up The Empire State Building with her draped over his shoulder. Poor lonely bastard.
George also has a green tongue for some reason. (Perhaps from licking something that shouldn't be licked.)
The Mountie: "Law Enforcement"
The Mountie was a deranged RCMP officer who used to jab people with an electric cattle prod, which is totally against the rules by the way. He always liked to scream "I'm The Mountie!" at the top of his lungs (as if the outfit didn't make it obvious) and say, "The Mountie always gets his man." I always got a sort of gay "Village People," vibe from him, honestly,  probably because he never really mentions what he does with "his man," once he "gets," him. This may have gone against the WWF's "don't-ask, don't-tell," policy at the time.
The Mountie is now retired from wrestling and working at the Vancouver Airport.
Miss Elizabeth: "Women"
The first lady of wrestling Beautiful, serene the the picture of elegance and the pinnacle of womanitude. She is the manager or wife or something of the Macho Man, even though he is a total freak and she seems a little afraid of him. Her job is to stand by the ring looking concerned and generally to "shut the fuck up," when her man tells her to.
Liz is easily physically overpowered or bullied by other wrestler's gals and frequently needs to be rescued. Elizabeth proves the theory that women are generally useless unless they are evil.
Akeem: "African People"
Akeem is supposed to be a white African, but not an Afrikaner. He is a big, fat white guy who tries to talk and act like a black American. Confused? He makes these stupid hand movements that I can't really describe and is really, really annoying. I remember thinking Akeem harshly sucked when I was a kid.
Geography: "Parts Unknown"
Some wrestlers (like our buddy Missing Link, pictured above) are said to come from "Parts Unknown".
I guess this means they are so freaky and mysterious that really no one knows where they came from and are afraid to ask. Perhaps the wrestler is so strange, even they don't know where they are from. Some of these weirdos have begun to referring to "Parts Unknown," as if it were an actual place, begging the questions - Where are these parts? Who are they unknown to? What do these guys do when they're there? Plot the destruction of Hulkamania perhaps? When they are in Parts Unknown, do they know they are there?

April 9, 2010

"Who's That Guy?" Invisible Members of High Profile Bands

"Annette and Frankie went to junkie beach. Lots of smack was so close to reach."
Lead Singers and guitar players often hog the glory from their counterparts. Some musicians are  content to just remain in the shadows. Here are some members of hugely popular bands who may not be recognized by their own fans. Oh, and if I forgot anyone, that just makes an even better case for them, doesn't it?
Every Judas Priest Drummer
Priest are clearly the inspiration for Spinal Tap's vanishing drummers.
They've gone through so many journeymen and hired guns in their career that their drummers are not even credited as being part of the official band. I'll bet that, as Judas Priest's drummer you aren't allowed to ever travel with, or speak to the rest of the band. and you have to ride in the back of the trailer with the equipment.

Let's take a look at each of them left to right, top to bottom.

John Ellis - First Priest drummer (1969-1970) appears on no albums.

Alan Moore - (1971, 1975-1976) - Two stints,once in pre-Halford era for one year, then came back and appeared on "Sad Wings of Destiny."

Chris Campbell - (1971-1973) Appears on no albums pre-Halford. Rocked a mean afro. 

John Hinch - (1973-1975) Also simultaneously served as the band's driver and road manager, yet probably got only one paycheck. Sounds like a bad idea to me. Appears on "Rocka Rolla"

Simon Phillips - (1977) Session musician and future "Toto," member played on "Sin After Sin."

Les Binks - (1977-1979) No relation to Jar Jar. Nice "69" jacket, Les. He wasn't actually band's 69th drummer, it stands for something else. Appears on "Stained Class," and "Killing Machine."

Dave Holland - (1979-1989) Didn't spontaneously combust or die in a bizarre gardening accident but is now a convicted sex offender after allegedly raping a mentally ill 17 year old boy, to whom he was giving drum lessons . Nice work, Dave. Appears on; "British Steel," "Point of Entry," "Screaming For Vengeance," "Defenders of the Faith," "Turbo," and "Ram It Down." No comment.

Scott Travis - (1993-present) My math skills are bad but hasn't this guy held out the longest? He appears on; "Painkiller," "Jugulator," "Demolition Angel," of "Retribution" and "Nostradmus." I hope nothing bad happens to the poor guy.
Izzy Stradlin
I've always thought the job of rhythm guitarist, unless you're also the singer in the band, is pretty bunk. Izzy was content to sit back, smoking and sneering, wearing his floppy hat, while Slash smoked and sneered and wore an even bigger hat. I'll admit Izzy wasn't completely invisible and most GNR fans know his name (possibly more than Steven Adler) but that's mostly cause he had a cool nickname. The most notable thing Izzy ever did was leaving Guns N Roses. I'll bet that if Slash wasn't holding that sign that said 'Where's Izzy?" during the, "Don't Cry" video, hardly anyone would have noticed that he wasn't there.
MC Ren
It's bit more difficult to be invisible in hip-hop. DJ's are more behind the scenes than MCs but since rappers don't generally play instruments, MC's usually go unnoticed only when they suck. Case in point; MC Ren. One of the great things about NWA was how the aggressive delivery and lyrical skills of the"crazy motherfucker name Ice Cube meshed perfectly with the malevolent chirp of Eazy E,  "the brutha that'll smother your mutha." Ren didn't have a very remarkable delivery and unmemorable lyrics. Ren's verses are are usually the parts of the song where you can get up for a quick piss break. His solo career fizzled and he didn't really even have a very cool rap name. I always wondered if he should be rollin' with MC Stimpy.
Wurzel
Maybe it's just me that always forgets about him. One of the two scraggly looking guitar players that book-ended Lemmy in Motorhead throughout the 80's and 90's. Wurzel joined at the same time as Phil Campbell and the two shared lead duties pretty much equally. They were both great players but I never harshly nerded-out on the subtle nuances of their lead styles like I have with, say, Iron Maiden. As a result I have no idea when he's playing. Oh well. It was really Wurzel leaving that brought more attention on Phil Campbell. If Phil had been the first one to leave, I'd have trouble remembering who he was.
Tony Banks
I know what you're saying; "A keyboard player? Doesn't he deserve to be forgotten?" You're absolutely right. I have no argument for that, only that this guy is one of the two remaining original members of Genesis. Name someone from Genesis... Go ahead ...
Phil Collins, Mike Rutherford ( Mike + The Mechanics anyone?) Peter Gabriel, etc etc, 
Tony Baloney here is one of only 2 constant members throughout the band's career (Rutherford is the other). Still ... who cares?
Andy Summers
Former guitarist for "The Police," when the other 2 guys got famous, after awhile, Andy could hardly get arrested by the police. It's hard to go unnoticed in a 3-piece and but I guarantee twice as many people remember the name Suzanne Sommers as Andy Summers. I'll let you in on a little secret and tell you Andy's not even his mom's favorite member of the Police (she's more of a Sting fan.)
Benjamin Orr
Ben was not only The Cars' bass player but a frequent contributor to their songwriting and lead vocalist on many tracks, including the hit "Just What I Needed." I was actually floored the first time a friend of mine told me it wasn't Ric Ocasek who sang that one. If you're like me you had no idea who the hell he even was.
Bill Wyman
Bill was always lurking in the background with his creepy stare and weird page-boy haircut. One might even imagine Bill to be slightly retarded. Learning about his sexual proclivities, Bill is from the Gene Simmons/Wilt Chamberlain "C'mon into this broom closet with me," school of romance. At the age of 53, he married an 18 year old girl, whom he'd been dating since she was 13. His son later became engaged to her mother. Figure that out.
Tom Hamilton and Brad Whitford
Or is it Brad Hamilton and Tom Whitford? I always mix them up. The 2 members who compose Aerosmith's supporting cast are seemingly happy to hang out in the background while Steven Tyler, Joe Perry and even Joey Kramer take a larger portion of the spotlight. Tom plays the role of attention-shy bass player to a tee while Whitford is seemingly content doing all the heavy lifting, banging out the chords as Joe Perry takes centre stage with lead duties. It should be noted that neither have contributed as much in terms of songwriting compared to the "Toxic Twins," which may explain why these "Tepid Twins," seem content just to be there.
Cliff Williams
Cliff is, for me, the ultimate invisible member. I think even Cliff might forget to mention himself when asked to name the members of AC/DC. Rhythm guitarist Malcolm young keeps a low profile on stage but is a major songwriting contributor and frequent interview subject.  Mr. Williams can't even make the claim the title of, "Most Recognizable Bass Player With The First Name Cliff In A Major Rock Band."Too bad, I would have thought he'd have locked that up for sure.
Cliff has stayed with the band so long, in part I imagine, just because the rest of the band really didn't notice he was still there. The cover photo of Highway to Hell says it all for me. Can you notice Cliff? Way at the back? On his tippy-toes, peeking over Phil Rudd? The defense rests, your honour.

April 2, 2010

The Awesome Hall of Fame & The Hall of Total Bullshit

"Gonna drive past the Stop n' Shop. Got the radio on."
Awesome Hall of Fame: Larry David
Mayor of Awesome-town.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Axe Body Spray
How many police reports have described rapists by saying "Smelled like Axe Body-Spray?"
How many grains of sand in the desert?
Awesome Hall of Fame: Circle-Pit
Opinions are divided sharply divided on the circle-pit. You either love it or think it's stupid. Where a standard pit is like an earthquake, the circle-pit is a tornado. The first time I saw it, I had no idea what was happening. It involves sort of hopping in a circle, much like like the character on the Circle Jerks logo (no coincidence, I'm sure).
The highlight of my musical career so far is playing a cramped basement show (in Santa Rosa actually) and saying, half kidding, "what we need right now is to have a circle-pit." When they actually did it I had to brace myself and try to hang on for dear life. Good times!
Hall of Total Bullshit: Golf Umbrella
Okay, so you live in Vancouver... It has been known to rain here occasionally. If you are so precious and made of sugar that you insist on carrying an umbrella, be my guest. Can you also do me a huge personal favor and not choose the most enormous and cumbersome umbrella known to man and then walk under awnings, forcing those of us not requiring umbrellas into the rain?
While you're at it, could you also try to hold this umbrella high enough as to not smash me directly in the face? Thanks.
Awesome Hall of Fame: Fortune Cookie
You've gotta love fortune cookies. Anyone that doesn't love fortune cookies should be executed without trial. It's like sweet crispy deliciousness with a little nugget of wisdom nestled inside.
When I am in charge of the world I will make that sure fortune cookies were served after every meal.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Private Security Guard 
Sorry, what? You want us to stop drinking in your parking lot? Guess you better call a real cop.
Awesome Hall Of Fame: Chuck Heston, Overactor 
I'm not sure if you realize it or not, but Soylent Green actually contains people.
P.S. Can we pry your gun from your cold, dead hands yet? Just asking.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Hot Topic
Remember when it used to be cool to like punk rock?
Awesome Hall of Fame: Old, Budget-Ass Spiderman Cartoon
Today's episode; Spiderman goes somewhere easy to draw.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Oompa Loompa
So creepy.