The Earth's Greatest Album Covers ... Ever!!! "Exodus - Bonded By Blood"

"I've got a feelin' in my knees that tell me the degrees I've been loved on. You've got dents in your head that tell me all the beds you've been shoved on."

Curiously, the band chose to replace this iconic cover, featuring two naked monster babies conjoined at the ass, on later editions of the record. Little-known factoid; the original album title? "Bonded By Butts."

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers ... Ever! "Anthrax - Fistful of Metal"

"Just came from my girl's bed, don't think I'll ever forget what she said. I tried to show her my song, she laughed and said the chords are all wrong."

One of the most iconic images in metal, equates the sound of the band's first LP with some poor guy getting an actual fistful (or fist full?) of metal punched through his mouth: from the back of his head, no less! How much metal is that? Quite a lot I'd imagine.

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers... Ever !!! "Metallica - Metal Up Your Ass"

"I must be hungry. 'Cause I go crazy. Over your leather boots

Now baby, I know that's not normal. But I love you."

It's difficult to understand why Elektra rejected this original design and title for Metallica's first album, featuring a large knife, protruding from a toilet bowl. I mean, what better way to invoke the essence of kick-ass, old-school thrash metal than the idea of someone getting stabbed in the rectum? They ultimately opted for the less offensive title "Kill 'Em All," and the now famous picture of a bloody hammer. Pussies!

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers ...Ever! - "Accept - Balls To The Wall"

"If it's tires you want, they've got a lot for you. Dunlop Firestone, Pirelli too."

Another stellar addition to our "unintentionally gay," collection, this German metal band from the 80's were shocked that their macho cover imagery could have somehow been misinterpreted.

"So it's a close-up of the inner thigh of a dude in leather and short shorts, who appears to be grabbing some sort of large ball... What?"

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers ... Ever! - "Manowar - Anthology"

"Water drips from all around. Cathy's ceiling, my ceiling. Don't use shower. Don't use shower."

 It's hard to pinpoint something as subjective as the gayest Manowar album cover, but I believe this to be it. Apparently these guys were unaware of the homo-erotic overtones of record sleeves that resemble some sort of weird Viking porn. all they wanted was to grease up their semi-nude bodies, put on their fur cod-pieces and rock out hard.

Earth's Greatest Album Covers...Ever! - "Solo Luke - I Got Shit On My Mind"

"America stands for freedom But if you think you're free. Try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese"

This is first hip hop album to make the list and it's a doozy.

There's an Eddie Murphy routine where he describes getting a phone call from Bill Cosby, scolding him for swearing onstage. According to Eddie, Bill made it sound like he just got up onstage and said: "Hello. Motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Suck my dick goodnight."
Well, that pretty much describes 2 Live Crew's entire act. They were equally groundbreaking with their album art, dropping all pretense and just featuring photos of the band members surrounded by enormous asses.
I find this cover especially poignant because Luke is also sitting on the toilet, so at the same time we're looking at the two women he's objectifying, we can also imagine him taking a big steamer.

I should mention that Luke was eventually threatened with legal action by George Lucas if he did not stop using the Luke Skywalker name. Lest some poor kid mistakenly think a record with songs titled, "Head, Head and More Head," and "Pussy Ass Kid and Hoe Ass Play," had something to do with Star Wars.

The Earth's Great Album Covers. Ever!!!!!!: MDC - Hey Cop!!! If I Had A Face Like Yours ...

"Out of frustration she unwraps the foil. Takes out her spoon, starts to boil."

The saying goes, "if my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach his to walk backwards."

Here we see the band has ingeniously superimposed a cop's face, complete with mustache, over a dog's ass (not a shaved one thankfully). What I wanna know is, how do bands like this cross the border with their merch? What if their van gets searched, like, by the cops? If you know these guys will you please ask them for me?

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers. Ever!!!!!! Atomic Rooster - Nice 'N' Greasy

"I met her at the Burger King. We fell in love by the soda machine."

Nothing says heavy English blues-rock to me like a fried egg with a cigarette butt mashed in it.

This is a cover that will actually make you vomit if you look at it for too long, much in the same way that the "brown note," makes you spontaneously shit your pants. Art can move people in so many ways

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers. Ever!!!!!! Black Sabbath - Born Again

"Here comes Johnny Yen again. With the liquor and drugs."

Black Sabbath - Born Again

This little nipper was conceived by accident - no pun intended. Designer Steve Joule wanted to end his association with Sabbath and their manager, Don Arden, and go on to design albums for Arden's daughter Sharon and her future husband, Ozzy Osbourne, exclusively.

It was put together, according to Joule, under the influence of "A bottle of Jack Daniels and the filthiest speed that money could buy on the streets of South East London."
Unfortunately for Steve, Tony and Geezer approved the cover anyway.
On to the work itself; note the contrast of obnoxious primary colors. I think that, much like a lunar eclipse, this image will fuck up your eyes if you look at it for too long. Amazing!

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers. Ever!!!!!! - Toe Fat

"Maggie, Maggie you cunt."

Take a minute and really drink this one in. This masterpiece is the work of British design team "Hipgnosis". If you aren't familiar with their name, you've no doubt, seen their work for Pink Floyd "Dark Side of the Moon", Zeppelin ("Houses of the Holy") AC/DC ("Dirty Deeds") and T.Rex ("Electric Warrior".

This cover, from the debut album by the British blues rock band that decided to call themselves "Toe Fat," just makes all of those look like a pile of shit by comparison.

What strange  combination of chemicals was ingested to cause this?

To this day the only image that springs to mind when I think of the name Toe Fat (and believe me, I think of it often) is this disturbing image of nude people with big-toe heads chillin' by the shore. It has forever burned itself into my subconscious. Thank you, Hipgnosis, for ruining my life.

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers. Ever!!!!!! - Nazareth "The Fool Circle"

"I Won't Open A Letterbomb For You."

There's a lot going on here. A dolphin. A jockey dude riding it ... off of a cliff. On closer inspection you can see the dolphin actually has the ass and hind legs of a horse. Interesting.

What does this say about the title of the album? Is this jockey a fool because he's riding his dolphin-horse off of a cliff? Probably. Is the zero on the back of the dolphin's horse ass a reference to the fool (or full, if you will) circle of the album title? There are so many questions left unanswered. And that's the great thing about art, really.