Hunt And Gather: "Special Melvins Edition Part 3

"The cabin boy was Flipper, he was a dirty nipper, he stuffed his ass with broken glass and circumcised the skipper."

The most recent decade has been a period of unprecedented productivity for The Melvins. Both Dale and Buzz were prolific with side projects and collaborations, Dale with Altamont, Porn, super group  Shrinebuilder with Wino Weinrich and Scott Kelly from Neurosis. Buzz played with Kevin Sharp's Venemous Concept and in Fantomas with Mike Patton and Slayer's Dave Lombardo which spawned combined tours as "The Fantomas Melvins Big Band."

The band went on to make records with Jello Biafra and Lustmord and then absorbed the two-piece Big Business; bassist Jared Warren and drummer Cody Willis, after firing Kevin Rutmanis and morphed into a four-piece, featuring two drummers. 

King Buzzo

Dale

Buzz, Kevin, unknown, Dale

Dale, Buzz, Jared, Cody

Dale Buzz Jared, Cody

Jared, Cody, Buzz, Dale

Hostile Ambient Takeover (2002)
After the epic scope of the ambitious "trilogy," that preceded it ("Maggot," Bootlicker," "Crybaby," the band seems to have streamlined their sound  in more of a "back to basics," approach.
Less concerned with experimenting with sounds, instruments and recording techniques, the album in certainly more hostile than ambient,
grabbing right for the jugular with a ferocious, guitar-driven sound, punctuated by sickening bursts of electronic noise and feedback.
The creepy pitch-shift vocals on "Foaming," and almost countrified guitar lines on the maniacal sounding "Dr. Geek," only add flavour, as do occasional unexpected synth bits. For the most part, the record is a snarling, sludgy, onslaught, with songs like, "Black Stooges," and "The Fool, The Meddling Idiot," as heavy, abrasive and crunchy as anything they've done previously. They've never sounded riffier than on "The Brain Center At Whipples," one of my favorites, before culminating in the stark unsettling album closer "The Anti-Vermin Seed."
This record may be skipped over by some casual fans, since it is situated between the trilogy and the highly publicized Biafra collaborations, which are then followed by the acquisition of the members of Big Business.
A shame, since Kevin Rutmainis' final record with the band, (collaborations not withstanding) contains many of their best heavy, concise tunes since "The Maggot," yet is, in many ways, more adventurous and satisfying.

Pigs of the Roman Empire (2004)

I was unaware of Lustmord, prior to this release; apparently he's one guy, rather than a band, who specializes in eerie soundscapes.
Many of the songs walk the line between ambient and creepy. Lustmord conjures up a house of horrors; water dripping, heavy doors clanging shut, rusted tools grinding and scraping, bells tolling and monks chanting  along with the type of quiet whispering that usually accompanies Jason, lurking somewhere in the bushes in Friday The 13th movies. If this is consistent with the rest of Lustmord's back catalogue, I imagine he may have helped inspire the equally ominous, drippy sounds found on Pig Destroyer's "Natasha," album.
Elsewhere, the tabla has likely never been made to sound as sinister as on "Toadi Acceleratio," as the record moves between dark, atmospheric pieces and bursts of brutal heaviness. "The Bloated Pope," is one of the heaviest things they've done in a while; maybe ever, and it packs more of a punch, framed by the foreboding intro "III".
The sprawling title track builds from a slow crawl over it's over 22 minute length, constantly mutating in different sonic directions, from deathly quiet, to surging, lumbering guitars, to both dark and ethereal sounds, until "Pink Bat," begins with a jarring blast of shrieking white noise.
This record is unique, in that it has the best heavy qualities of records like "Hostile Ambient Takeover," melding with a more adventurous, experimental side reminiscent of certain tracks from records like "Honky," making for an interesting collision that more than makes up for the virtual absence of the band's sly sense of humor. Due to it's focus mainly on quieter material, it may not be for everyone.

Never Breathe What You Can't See (2004)

I was a big Dead Kennedys fan as a kid, but since that time I seem to have developed an aversion to Jello Biafra's voice. Maybe it's his constant presence on any documentary remotely related to punk rock, or that the past couple of collaboration albums (D.O.A. and NoMeansNo) seemed a bit flat and uninspired. For whatever reason,
my low expectations for this record were shattered. Biafra sounds re-energized. Perhaps some time off has given him time to lace into on a whole new set of targets  from the the war on terror, to SUV drivers to over-zealous airport security post 911, or maybe simply having the best possible backing band imaginable (The Rutmanis line-up of the Melvins with contributions from Tool's Adam Jones) but Biafra shows the kids why he is an icon in the first place and that he's still relevant now. "McGruff The Crime Dog," is my favorite track, followed closely by "Yuppie Cadillac." Jello shrieks, howls, and gleefully impersonates his subjects of ridicule, with his classic combination of irreverence and cynicism. He's never sounded creepier than he does inhabiting the character of an airport security guard on "The Lighter Side of Global Terrorism." The music (mostly Buzz's with contributions from Jello) is crunchy and heavy enough to be distinctly Melvins, but also suited to the punk rock style Biafra is known for, even incorporating subtle nuances reminiscent of East Bay Ray, almost as a homage to original DKs (touches missing from the D.O.A. and NMN records, which sounded like the music and lyrics were conceived separately and hastily tossed together.)

This album is not only a great listen, it's the closest we may get to hearing how a new Dead Kennedys record could have sounded in the new millennium. It also demonstrates what a bad ass punk rock record sounds like, when delivered by seasoned veterans.

Sieg Howdy! (2005)

This record is less a follow-up to "Never Breathe What You Can't See," than it is a companion record, stitched together from outtakes of the same sessions fleshed out with various remixes of songs from the previous album.

Their cover of Alice Cooper's "Halo of Flies," (one of my favorite songs ever) is well done, as is the live "Califonia Uber Alles," update skewering Arnold Schwarzenegger and; probably the highlight, "Those Dumb Punk Kids Will Buy Anything," Biafra's awesomely vicious, and long overdue, musical shot back at his former Dead Kennedys bandmates. The two remaining originals are throwaways and the various amusingly titled remixes ("subway gas/hello kitty mix") aren't really very interesting to me at all and, curiously the songs being remixed are the weaker album tracks, in my opinion . The buzz surrounding "Those Dumb Punk Kids..." seems to have gained this release more attention than it's predecessor. Unfortunate since, while the original tracks and one live track would have some value as singles and/or B-sides, ultimately "Sieg Howdy," seems unnecessary.

(A) Senile Animal (2006)

Acquiring both members of Big Business made the band into a juggernaut, especially live. The question could be asked; Did the Melvins need a second drummer? - Of course not. Why did they bother incorporating Cody Willis into their sound? Because it's simply awesome and because they can. The mirror image of Dale side-by side lefty, Cody playing in lock-step is incredible to behold.
The presence of a second drummer is less obvious on record (aside from a heavier reliance on different forms of percussion) but the result is a great album. Not only do Big Business fit in perfectly with the Melvins sound but you can hear their influence started to seep into their new band as well. Jared's voice complements Buzzo's well, sitting on top with a higher range. You actually hear a bit more Jared than Buzz, on many songs. The record has a more direct, stripped down sound than anything the band has done previously. Crunchy staccato riffing of "Blood Witch," and straight-ahead ass-kickers like "The Hawk," and "Rat Faced Granny," combine with greater attention to vocal melody that utilizes the voices of all four members. The infusion of new blood seems to have done the band some good, with an abundance of cool songs, heavy guitar riffs and interesting percussion, equalling what may actually be their most accessible album, and one of their all-time best.

Nude With Boots (2008)

Buzz's guitar seems to add a different flavour on this record. At times it seems like he's incorporating more traditional rock licks that, at times remind me of ZZ Top, but in an off-kilter sort of way; "Suicide In Progress," is a good example of this. "The Kicking Machine," and "Billy Fish," and "Nude With Boots," contain the closest thing to "pop-hooks," The Melvins have ever served up. Parts of these could actually be described as "happy-sounding."

It's a good companion piece to "(A) Senile Animal," in that it features many of the same elements; more experimenting with odd time signatures and vocal lines/harmonies and quirky percussion, but with less emphasis on crunchy guitars and heavy material and more on melody. Songs like "Dog Island," and "The Savage Hippy," still provide a healthy dose of downtuned sludge for anyone concerned.
Sound-wise, the record is consistent with their other records produced by Tashi Kasai, (whom the band has worked with exclusively since "Hostile Ambient Takeover," in 2002) with a rawer, more organic, "live," sound. Kasai, who is also a member of Altamont and Big Business, has been somewhat overlooked for his influence on the band's sound. Ultimately, "Nude With Boots," is unique to the band's catalogue, building on, without straying too dramatically from, their signature sound.

An effective follow up to "(A) Senile Animal," though I personally give the edge to the previous record.

The Bride Screamed Murder (2010)
The most recent Melvins record finds the band experimenting even more with vocal harmonies, percussion and more random sounding, complex arrangements, branching off in more directions, as the unit becomes more cohesive. "The Water Glass," stands out for it's, "I don't know but I been told..." marine-style, call and response vocals. Maybe the influence of Buzz's time with Fantomas inspired the fractured timing on "Evil New War God," and "Pig House,"  blenderizing chainsaw guitars until it plays almost like jazz.
Keyboards, whistling, staccato burst of drumming military snares, bells and pitch shifts vocals pop up at different points. Songs like "War God," and "Inhumanity and Death,"have a heavier guitar sound, reminiscent of "(A) Senile Animal," but with a continuation of the vocal experimentation and different guitar textures and melody of "Nude With Boots." The other variable is a weird playfulness that marks the first time the Big Business has gone onto the studio with The Melvins and laid down some truly odd material Their cover of  The Who's "My Generation," is suitably strange, slowing it down to a barely recognizable trudge before completely taking off in another direction. Another high water mark for their trademark weirdness. There are more weird twists and turns to this album
like"Hospital Up,"melding the best parts of more traditional Melvins compositions with oddball material. "P.G.X3" is a strange finale, the likes of which the band hasn't recorded since the "Honky"/"Stag" period. There's a bit of something for everyone enjoy here, and also a bit to make everyone scratch their head. A great one for those of us who like our Melvins records a bit weird.

                                                                         


                    

The Earth's Greatest Album Covers ... Ever! "Anthrax - Fistful of Metal"

"Just came from my girl's bed, don't think I'll ever forget what she said. I tried to show her my song, she laughed and said the chords are all wrong."

One of the most iconic images in metal, equates the sound of the band's first LP with some poor guy getting an actual fistful (or fist full?) of metal punched through his mouth: from the back of his head, no less! How much metal is that? Quite a lot I'd imagine.

The Awesome Hall of Fame And The Hall of Total Bullshit

"If your nose needs picking then go ahead. Don't flick the boogies, eat them instead."

Awesome Hall of Fame: Porta-Potty Urinal

I'd even forgoe nominating this as "Most Useful Invention Of The Century," and just nominate the motherfucker who came up with it for the Nobel Prize.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Guyliner
Dear mascara-wearing man; my objection to you has nothing to do with a lack of security in my masculinity and everything to do with you looking like a total dipshit. Signed yours truly.

Awesome Hall of Fame: Kittens In Cups

Even though the one on the left looks like it's starting to get pissed off, I have no idea why someone didn't think to do this sooner.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Brussel Sprouts

I don't care what anyone says, these taste like shit.

Awesome Hall of Fame: Can Ladies
If you aren't sure who I'm talking about, try putting a pop can down anywhere in East Vancouver and one will magically appear. They will sneak into your yard, jump your fence and risk life and limb by any other means necessary to grab that potential 5 cents. If you ask them to put your full can down cause it's not finished or say they need to buy something at the liquor store to return cans, they will instantly forget even the most basic English. I saw one once shrug blankly at a sign, written in every conceivable Asian dialect at a store, claiming, I guess, that she had no understanding of any language.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Waterbed

What sort of chemical did someone have to ingest before inventing this stupid thing?

People who insist that they like have sex on waterbeds can't possibly understand physics. Oh, and forget about getting up for a piss with someone sleeping beside you. All the stuff inside shifts and dumps them onto the floor. Sneaking out after an ill-advised rendez-vous? Impossible! Look's like you're staying for breakfast!

Awesome Hall of Fame: Beard Papa 

Pretty much makes "Krispy Kreme," his bitch.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Body Works

Fascinating, I know but how much creepier could this "Max-Von-Sydow-in-the-Exorcist,"

 looking motherfucker possibly be? Especially since it was revealed that some of his bodies were bought in bulk from countries with questionable human rights policies. Are you a student protestor in somewhere in China? Well now you might be not only executed by your fascist government, but displayed for all eternity with your skin peeled off, kicking a soccer ball, with your nutsack cut in half.

Awesome Hall of Fame: Harry Dean Stanton

Just because.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Tramp Stamp
Unless you have one of about three jobs I can think of, getting one of these just acknowledges that your butt will probably be hanging out of your pants a lot.

Live Fast Die Fast Comes Alive! "Judas Priest - Unleashed In The East"

"Blood stains, speed kills, fast cars cheap thrills, rich girls fine wine. I've lost my sense I've lost control, I've lost my mind."

Is It Official?

Affirmative, captain

Is It Really Live?

Debatable: according to the band, there were a few guitar touch-ups and  

some of Rob Halford's vocals were redone because he had the flu during the recorded shows. Opinions range from this official answer to the more skeptical, "it's all fake."

Where Was It Recorded?

February 10th and 15th 1979, Tokyo Japan

What Are The Details?

I love this album; from the cover photo, which has just the right combination of camp and awesomeness and  captures the band at the very beginning of their leather period., to the name of the record, which makes the entire title nearly impossible to say.

So this record is from the period around, "Hell Bent For Leather/Killing Machine," the band's turning point album. Previously the band produced their debut, "Rocka Rolla," then their true masterpieces "Sad Wings of Destiny,"  "Sin After Sin," and "Stained Class," "Hell Bent," is the bridge between these and the dumbed-down, pop-metal poop, which inspired the movie "Heavy Metal Parking Lot," on "British Steel," and every subsequent album.

As far as the material on "Hell Bent," itself, "Delivering The Goods," is kind of a guilty pleasure, and the other songs included here( "Running Wild," the title track and "Rock Forever,") are decent but they have obviously turned the corner lyrically. This album also includes their cover of  Peter Green-era Fleetwood Mac, "The Green Manalishi (With The Two Pronged Crown)" my personal pick for best song ever written. (Priest's version is decent).

I should also point out that the original release was only 9 songs, with only "Running Wild,"and "Manalishi," from that album, the rest mainly consisting of songs from "Sad Wings of Destiny" and "Sin After Sin." 

The "Victim of Changes/Tyrant/Genocide," is especially cool.
In a nutshell, before they were slick sounding and cliched, the band wrote smart lyrics, featured greasy, NWOBHM style riffs and epic songwriting, featuring a bad-ass guitar duo and soaring vocals second only, perhaps, to Ian Gillan. (For anyone interested, Glenn Tipton was a more traditional/melodic rock n roll style player, while KK Downing pioneered the more modern metal "dive-bomb," style of soloing.) 

This album is a great introduction to the band's earlier material, for anyone only familiar with "Livin' After Midnight" and "Breaking The Law." 

Check it out.

The Set: 

1. Exciter

2. Running Wild

 3. Sinner

4. The Ripper

5. The Green Manalishi (With The Two Pronged Crown)

6. Diamonds & Rust

 7. Victim of Changes

8. Genocide

9. Tyrant

10. Rock Forever

11.  Delivering The Goods

12. Hell Bent For Leather 

13. Starbreaker

Name Your Poison: Food

"Let's bash the gays, Harass The geeks and trash the punks. But only if there are fewer of them than us."

Food is a strange vice, since we all need it to live. It's like oxygen; you get too much it gets you high, not enough and you're gonna die. Wow, I seriously made that up this second.

Leslie West

Singer, guitarist and pretty much the namesake of the band "Mountain," ie; he was as big as a mountain. Leslie slimmed down to such a shocking degree, he's almost impossible to recognize now. Must be that "Subway diet."

Carnie Wilson

No matter what she did, Carnie Wilson would always be known as "the fat one," in the group Wilson-Phillips and subjected to constant jokes about eating the other two members. She can now be called "the one who got the gastric bypass surgery. Well, she looked a hell of a lot better after the surgery than Star Jones, who looked like some kind of weird raisin.

Meat Loaf

Battled with his weight continually, between making really terrible albums.

Bill Stevenson

Was big... suddenly got enormous! In the immortal words of his former band: "I like food. Food tastes good" 

Rita MacNeil

Or as we affectionately refer to her in Canada, "Eat-a Big Meal."

Karen Carpenter

Fell into the "not enough and you're gonna die," category and died from anorexia.

Elvis Presley

Yup, The King became as famous for shooting televisions, buying Cadillacs for strangers and eating disgusting things as singing and acting in bad movies.

 Pig Champion
Booze, drugs, food; this guy indulged in every excess and got so big he nearly exploded. This look unfortunately didn't catch on like heroin chic.

Mama Cass Elliot

Although is has been proven that she didn't choke to death on a ham sandwich, the rumor persists because we want to believe it. Live by the ham sandwich, die by the ham sandwich.

Things I've Learned From Pro Wrestling

"The savage mutilation of the human race is set on course ..."

Ted Dibiase: "Rich People"

Ted Dibiase is rich. You can tell this by the big dollar sign on his outfit and the big wad of cash he carries with him everywhere, kind of like the big bags they used to use in cartoons with a dollar sign on them, so everybody knows there's money inside.

He bought a black person, named Virgil to open his limo door and count his $ for him and scowl angrily. Why does he continue to work as a pro wrestler? Just to be a dick to people, apparently.

Iron Sheik: "Arabs"

The Iron Sheik is from the Middle East, which is in the desert somewhere. Like most Arabs he is either a sheik or a sultan (one of the two) and wears some sort of sand resistant headgear (turban or occasionally fez)

Arabs can't usually speak English very well but like to look up at the sky and scream a lot.

"Allacch, hallem alllaha Hulk Hogan! Allah hallalem, Pontiac Silverdome alllahha hallhem!" for example.

All moves performed by Arab wrestling moves have to do with camels somehow. Camel clutch, camel kick, camel punch in the nuts and so on. They hate America's freedom and think they are superior because we need their oil so much.

Luna Vachon: "Lesbians"

Luna Vachon looks a bit like Wendy O Williams, if she was hit in the face with a shovel. She is, I believe what is known as a "butter-face." She has a voice that sounds like she's been either gargling with Drano or is trying to take a shit. How do I know she is a lesbian since she hasn't actually said that she was? Because gay men act just like women and gay women act just like men, silly; pay attention.

Big Boss Man: "Prison Screws"

This former prison guard from some redneck town, just south of butt-fuck nowhere went from a bad guy administering vicious nightstick beatings to the good guys, to a fan favorite by administering vicious nightstick beatings to the bad buys. Kinda makes you want to buy your kid a giant foam finger with his picture on it, no?

If The Ref Didn't See It ...

Back when I was a little kid, sports didn't have any new-fangled "instant replay." The ref had to know what the hell they were doing or you were shit out of luck. If you really wanted to make sure they didn't miss something, you just got a bunch more of them to stand in different places and if all of them didn't see whatever happened, I'd usually get to hear all the adults in an arena scream or chant words I wasn't allowed to say. "Asshole," "idiot,." "Faggot," was an interest one, as if somehow being gay affects your eyesight.

So for years, in sports like tennis, football, sports where a couple of inches really matters, they'd have to take the guys word for it or if you were coked up like John McEnroe you'd just fucking scream at the guy. Holy shit, you bet that was my favorite part of tennis. Sometimes my mom would try to make me leave the room, but you'd still hear "fuck," or "bullshit," and they couldn't bleep it. Was"bleeping," even invented then?

Even after they invented instant replay, lots of old guys didn't want it, like the recording was some sort of witchcraft and would steal their souls. These guys were usually also against helmets in hockey, cause getting you head smashed in is a part of the game and anyone who didn't know that was a pussy.

So, for reasons philosophical or not, it too a long time for instant replay to become the standard for televised sports. This however does not include wrestling. there is one referee and, as it pertains to cheating, if he doesn't see it, it didn't happen. Now wrestling referees, we're lead to assume, are almost retarded. Certain wrestlers, like our buddy Abdullah The Butcher are famous for cutting people with objects and certain managers, like our buddy, Jim Cornette are known for braining people with objects. Any ref with half a brain would figure out at some point what would happen after certain wrestlers skillfully turn their back for a second and their opponent ends up gushing blood. You'd think that eventually someone would at least share this information with them. Therefore I imagine that wrestling referees are sequestered, like a jury and never allowed to watch or read about wrestling. This, I would have to imagine, is in an effort to keep the sport pure. Of course, if they did catch you cheating, they wouldn't really do much about it, except start counting.