"It's the suede/denim secret police. They have come for your un-cool niece."
Nikolai Volkoff: "Russian People
Volkoff is a Russian which is the same as a commie. Russian people hate America because they hate our freedom. They can sometimes be bumbling as evidenced by Rocky and Bullwinkle. They wrestle in singlets similar to Russian power-lifters at the Olympics and train by wrestling bears. They will sometimes try wave the Russian flag and sing the Russian national anthem, which is a good way to piss off American wrestlers . Everyone knows that, in wrestling, no one should wave any flag other than the American flag or sing any anthem other than the American national anthem. When this happens it is necessary to beat some freedom into them.
Russians have been know to reform themselves by learning to love America (and freedom). They are usually kind of dopey, as evidenced by their inability to speak English too good. People who speak in broken English are obviously a bit dumb 'cause; how hard is it to learn English? All of us speak it.
See also: Nikita Koloff in the parallel universe of WCW.
elaborate hat and matching sunglasses for full macho effect.
Randy is insanely jealous and flies into a murderous rage if anyone speaks to, looks at or thinks about looking at his woman, Elizabeth.
He has a weird voice like cookie monster, speaks in short choppy sentences and twitches a lot. When he is extra mad the veins in his neck pop out . It is unknown if this relates to his excessive consumption of the meat bi-product snack known as "Slim Jims."
Interesting fact; in England his name literally means "Horny Savage."
Chief Wahoo McDaniel: "Native Americans"
Wahoo McDaniel wrestled back when they called Native American people "Indians" and international objects "foreign". This should not be confused with people from the country India, which is in the Middle East and technically makes them Arabs.
Wahoo is a chief, like most Indians. You can tell by the feathers on his hat thingy. Regular Indians start out with only one feather, and then when they earn a whole hat full they are a chief. Wahoo was kind of old and fat but cagey and with lots of "heart". If he started to dance around, going "wah-wah-wah!" like he does, you better stop him cause once he gets going, he can deflect bullets. He was also nearly impossible to beat in an Indian strap match because of the whole "being an Indian," thing and all.
Randy Savage:" Men Who Are Macho"
Randy Savage, like most macho people, can identified by his preference for clothing in obnoxious dayglo colors, usually with some sort of tassels. This ensemble is usually completed with anelaborate hat and matching sunglasses for full macho effect.
Randy is insanely jealous and flies into a murderous rage if anyone speaks to, looks at or thinks about looking at his woman, Elizabeth.
He has a weird voice like cookie monster, speaks in short choppy sentences and twitches a lot. When he is extra mad the veins in his neck pop out . It is unknown if this relates to his excessive consumption of the meat bi-product snack known as "Slim Jims."
Interesting fact; in England his name literally means "Horny Savage."
Junk Yard Dog: "African Americans"
JYD is a black person, which means that he enjoys dancing. On one of the wrestling albums, JYD sang a song called "Grab Them Cakes," about his appreciation for either baked goods or large asses, I'm not actually sure which. He has a raspy sort of dog voice and sometimes wears a dog collar around his neck. Dog collar matches were his specialty. Much like Wahoo McDaniel and his "Indian strap match," if you were thinking you could beat JYD in a dog-collar match, you may as well forget about it.
JYD is a black person, which means that he enjoys dancing. On one of the wrestling albums, JYD sang a song called "Grab Them Cakes," about his appreciation for either baked goods or large asses, I'm not actually sure which. He has a raspy sort of dog voice and sometimes wears a dog collar around his neck. Dog collar matches were his specialty. Much like Wahoo McDaniel and his "Indian strap match," if you were thinking you could beat JYD in a dog-collar match, you may as well forget about it.
Aside from leash-wearing and crawling around on all fours, JYD has taken on other characteristics of a dog including barking, eating stuff off the sidewalk and attempting to lick his own balls.
Physics: Off The Top-Rope
Height plus distance equals pain.
The top rope is the place that makes things hurt the most. Say I elbowed you in the face. That hurts right? If I climbed up onto the second rope and elbowed you in the face, it would hurt so much more. If I went up to the top rope, jumped off and landed with my elbow right in your face, you might actually die.
The only counter-attack? Moving out of the way. The diving headbutt is a great example of this. Headbutting someone hurts but, as we've already established, if you climb up really high and jump onto someone, and hit them with your head, they might be killed. However, if your target were to move at the last second, causing your face and head to hit the ring, instead of their equally hard head, that could mean possible death for you.
Also, if you want to make something from the top rope even more dangerous, do some type of flip in the air before you land. More flips equals more hurting. Got it? This was first discovered in Mexico.
