"You ain’t got a job, you can’t pay the rent
And now you’re paying interest on all the money you’ve been lent."
Jimmy Snuka - "Polynesians"
Polynesian is a fancy word for Hawaiian or something. People from there never wear wrestling boots, because they haven't been invented there yet. It is a good strategy to stomp on their exposed bare feet, which is actually one of the reasons that we have shoes in the first place. All Polynesians like sticking out their tongues a lot and jumping off of things. Also their heads are always, always super hard. Headbutting them is like them headbutting you. Don't bother headbutting someone from Samoa or even hitting them in the head with a chair: no dice. I'm pretty sure, if you had to, you could shoot one of them in the head and that would do the trick, but that's not allowed in wrestling.
The Ultimate Warrior - "Crystal Meth Addicts"
This is the only explanation I have for the bizarre behaviour of this strange person. I can overlook the running around and beating his chest and that weird headbanging thing he used to do; also, the saliva frothing, eyes bugging out ... maybe he was just excited, but have you actually sat back and listened to one of those crazy interviews he used to give, where he starts talking like he's from outer space and shit? He must've been piping up pretty hard and often if you ask me.
Slick - "African Americans"
Slick is a "doctor or style," which is a codeword for pimp. He has a Jheri-curl a pinstriped suit, wears a fedora and spatz. He enjoys dancing and speaks in ebonics.
Papa Shango - "African Americans"
Papa Shango was some sort of voodoo dude. He wore a big top hat like Slash and a lot of bones around his neck. He also cast spells on other wrestlers to make them puke or make all kinds of black shit drip out of their face or to just make them have really horrible wrestling matches with him. He later went on to become a pimp who enjoyed dancing.
"Animal Lovers"
A weird phenomenon where some wrestlers like their animals so much, they start acting like them. Koko B. Ware is a good example of this. He had a parrot that he'd walk down to the ring with so, the parrot could "watch," or something. Koko would imitate the bird, and do weird things like wave his arms like he was flapping wings.
Jake The Snake would sort of slither into the ring all snakey and then would let his snake crawl around on his opponent after he knocked them out and scare the living fuck out of everyone. It's a boa constrictor, dude relax; unless you just rubbed mice guts all over yourself it's not going to bite you.
So anyhow, the way things would usually happen was the guy's bird/dog/snake was sitting there and a bad guy would come up all sneaky-like and take the guy's animal just to fuck with him!
Well, that sucks and all but you just left it there, man! What were you thinking about? You don't lock your bike up: it gets stolen. Figure it out.
