"I Live On Peanut Butter Sandwiches I Don't Care."
Once in awhile a musical genius or visionary comes around and leaves a mark on the entire music world. On the flip side of that coin, for everyone who made music better over the past 20 years is someone who fucked it up way worse than it was before. These aren't simply bad artists, producers, business people, impresarios, etc., those come and go. These are people who have started the trends, changed the styles and ultimately the way we listen to (and in some cases watch) music.
Without further adieu; Louis Jay Pearlman, this is your life.
This fat fuck saw the success of New Kids On The Block and decided to recreate it with a boy band of his own, first as the musical Svengali of The Backstreet Boys and then NSYNC. Two heinously awful, plastic pop bands to be sure but, honestly, if you hadn't clicked off MTV before the boy band resurgence, then shame on you. These bands just made the decision to tune out a bit easier.
Lou building himself a band, in itself is not especially noteworthy; musical acts have been cobbled together this way before, most notably the Monkees and the Sex Pistols. Lou just turned this process into an art.
He proved once again that nobody knows what makes pre-pubescent girls swoon and faint like creepy middle-aged men. Screwy Louie coached (and some have charged, molested young twinks (I read Dan Savage) in a sort of boy band bootcamp.
They were shown how to walk, talk, pout, dress and finally, to cut out the pesky creative process altogether, given pre-written songs and slick production. Voila!
They even made a reality show ("Making The Band") about this process where entrants into the molestation sweepstakes were whittled away each week, until "winners" were chosen. This show gave us "O-Town.(Yes, the correct answer is "who?" For this, I hold him directly responsible for the American-Idolization of music.
Annoying but who cares?
Who ... are you people? The "O" stands for "oh, please stop touching my junk, Mr. Pearlman
Lou's formula has become the norm in the entertainment industry. I therefore hold him personally responsible for Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken, Rockstar INXS, Gene Simmons' Rock School, My mom's admiration for Adam Lambert, Bo Bice, Brooke Hogan and more. Any of those single offences could be forgivable but this man has turned music in the 21st century into one retarded talent show.
Congratulations on your award, dickhead, you've earned it.
