"Gonna drive past the Stop n' Shop. Got the radio on."
Awesome Hall of Fame: Larry David
Mayor of Awesome-town.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Axe Body Spray
How many police reports have described rapists by saying "Smelled like Axe Body-Spray?"
How many grains of sand in the desert?
Awesome Hall of Fame: Circle-Pit
Opinions are divided sharply divided on the circle-pit. You either love it or think it's stupid. Where a standard pit is like an earthquake, the circle-pit is a tornado. The first time I saw it, I had no idea what was happening. It involves sort of hopping in a circle, much like like the character on the Circle Jerks logo (no coincidence, I'm sure).
The highlight of my musical career so far is playing a cramped basement show (in Santa Rosa actually) and saying, half kidding, "what we need right now is to have a circle-pit." When they actually did it I had to brace myself and try to hang on for dear life. Good times!
Hall of Total Bullshit: Golf Umbrella
Okay, so you live in Vancouver... It has been known to rain here occasionally. If you are so precious and made of sugar that you insist on carrying an umbrella, be my guest. Can you also do me a huge personal favor and not choose the most enormous and cumbersome umbrella known to man and then walk under awnings, forcing those of us not requiring umbrellas into the rain?
While you're at it, could you also try to hold this umbrella high enough as to not smash me directly in the face? Thanks.
Awesome Hall of Fame: Fortune Cookie
You've gotta love fortune cookies. Anyone that doesn't love fortune cookies should be executed without trial. It's like sweet crispy deliciousness with a little nugget of wisdom nestled inside.
When I am in charge of the world I will make that sure fortune cookies were served after every meal.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Private Security Guard
Awesome Hall Of Fame: Chuck Heston, Overactor
I'm not sure if you realize it or not, but Soylent Green actually contains people.
P.S. Can we pry your gun from your cold, dead hands yet? Just asking.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Hot Topic
Remember when it used to be cool to like punk rock?
Awesome Hall of Fame: Old, Budget-Ass Spiderman Cartoon
Today's episode; Spiderman goes somewhere easy to draw.
Hall of Total Bullshit: Oompa Loompa
So creepy.
