"Take out your fuckin' retainer, put it in your purse."
George The Animal Steele: "Mentally Disabled People
Mentally disabled people or "retards," as they are commonly known, are well-meaning and usually harmless, but can become extremely dangerous when they become angry or sexually aroused.
Under these circumstances, they have been known to exhibit a phenomenon known as "retard strength." When this occurs, they should be avoided at all cost, until they can distracted by a shiny object long enough to be subdued.
George was once so overcome by his urges that he tried to steal Miss Elizabeth from the Macho Man and climb up The Empire State Building with her draped over his shoulder. Poor lonely bastard.
George also has a green tongue for some reason. (Perhaps from licking something that shouldn't be licked.)
Under these circumstances, they have been known to exhibit a phenomenon known as "retard strength." When this occurs, they should be avoided at all cost, until they can distracted by a shiny object long enough to be subdued.
George was once so overcome by his urges that he tried to steal Miss Elizabeth from the Macho Man and climb up The Empire State Building with her draped over his shoulder. Poor lonely bastard.
George also has a green tongue for some reason. (Perhaps from licking something that shouldn't be licked.)
The Mountie: "Law Enforcement"
The Mountie was a deranged RCMP officer who used to jab people with an electric cattle prod, which is totally against the rules by the way. He always liked to scream "I'm The Mountie!" at the top of his lungs (as if the outfit didn't make it obvious) and say, "The Mountie always gets his man." I always got a sort of gay "Village People," vibe from him, honestly, probably because he never really mentions what he does with "his man," once he "gets," him. This may have gone against the WWF's "don't-ask, don't-tell," policy at the time.
The Mountie is now retired from wrestling and working at the Vancouver Airport.
Miss Elizabeth: "Women"
The first lady of wrestling Beautiful, serene the the picture of elegance and the pinnacle of womanitude. She is the manager or wife or something of the Macho Man, even though he is a total freak and she seems a little afraid of him. Her job is to stand by the ring looking concerned and generally to "shut the fuck up," when her man tells her to.
Liz is easily physically overpowered or bullied by other wrestler's gals and frequently needs to be rescued. Elizabeth proves the theory that women are generally useless unless they are evil.
Liz is easily physically overpowered or bullied by other wrestler's gals and frequently needs to be rescued. Elizabeth proves the theory that women are generally useless unless they are evil.
Akeem: "African People"
Akeem is supposed to be a white African, but not an Afrikaner. He is a big, fat white guy who tries to talk and act like a black American. Confused? He makes these stupid hand movements that I can't really describe and is really, really annoying. I remember thinking Akeem harshly sucked when I was a kid.
Geography: "Parts Unknown"
Some wrestlers (like our buddy Missing Link, pictured above) are said to come from "Parts Unknown".
I guess this means they are so freaky and mysterious that really no one knows where they came from and are afraid to ask. Perhaps the wrestler is so strange, even they don't know where they are from. Some of these weirdos have begun to referring to "Parts Unknown," as if it were an actual place, begging the questions - Where are these parts? Who are they unknown to? What do these guys do when they're there? Plot the destruction of Hulkamania perhaps? When they are in Parts Unknown, do they know they are there?
I guess this means they are so freaky and mysterious that really no one knows where they came from and are afraid to ask. Perhaps the wrestler is so strange, even they don't know where they are from. Some of these weirdos have begun to referring to "Parts Unknown," as if it were an actual place, begging the questions - Where are these parts? Who are they unknown to? What do these guys do when they're there? Plot the destruction of Hulkamania perhaps? When they are in Parts Unknown, do they know they are there?
