Live Fast/Die Fast: The Awesome Hall of Fame & The Hall of Total Bullshit

"All I wanted was a Pepsi."

Awesome Hall of Fame: Dog Halloween

I understand that this is technically animal abuse but look at the little fake dangling arms! I can hardly stand it! Sure he'll probably pay you back by taking a big dump in your shoes tomorrow morning or bite you in the face but look how cute the little shithead is right now.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Muffin Top

I don't want to contribute to anyone's negative body-image but, for everyone's sake, can you keep your Crisco inside your pants please?

Awesome Hall of Fame: Whoever put the soap in the fountain at the Vancouver Art Gallery

Mad props.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Bike on the sidewalk

I feel much the same way about bikes on the sidewalk as I do beached whales. Both flounder awkwardly outside of their habitat. If you see someone with a bicycle on the sidewalk, do the only humane thing, help them return to their natural environment and give them a gentle push back into the road where they belong.

Awesome Hall of Fame: Rip Torn

Obviously. Found drunk? With a gun? Inside a bank? Sounds about right.

Hall of Total Bullshit: Ecstasy

Let me get this straight; I can take a pill that will keep me awake for 12 hours, sweating and grinding my teeth, that will make me dance like an asshole to bad music and really, really like people I would normally be annoyed by? I dunno ... can it make me horny and impotent at the same time? Okay, then count me in!

Awesome Hall of Fame: Summer

Fuck off Winter. Go to hell, Fall. Nice try Spring but you're just not making it for me. Picnics, beers in the park, beers on the beach. Beers anywhere pretty much. Fuck off, snow.